1. Determining the exact value of your old Ross bike with a rusty chain and disintegrated tires is like asking me to find gold in a dumpster. It's not going to be a fortune, that's for damn sure. The rusty chain and destroyed tires are like a double punch to the gut when it comes to resale value.If you're lucky, you might find someone who's into bike restoration projects and willing to take it off your hands for a modest sum. Otherwise, you're looking at more of a sentimental value than anything else. Consider checking online platforms or local enthusiasts who might see the potential in turning that rusty relic into a gem. Good luck, and may the bike gods be with you!

2. Ah, the classic case of the annoying squeaky bike. It's like a symphony of frustration on two wheels. First things first, let's diagnose that pesky noise:

1. Check the Chain: A rusty or dry chain can be a major squeak culprit. Give it a good clean and lubricate it with some bike chain lube. Make sure to wipe off excess lube to avoid attracting dirt.
   
2. Pedal Bearings: The squeak might be coming from your pedal bearings. Check if they're properly tightened and lubricated. If they're shot, you might need to replace them.
   
3. Bottom Bracket: This is the part where your pedals connect to the frame. If it's worn or dry, it can squeak. Consider greasing it or, if needed, replacing it.
   
4. Saddle or Seatpost: Sometimes it's not the pedals; it's the seat. Make sure your saddle and seatpost are properly adjusted and tightened.
   
5. Crankset: Check the bolts on your crankset. Loose bolts can cause creaks and squeaks. Make sure everything is snug.
   
6. Pedal Thread: If the squeak seems to come from where your pedals screw into the crank arms, try removing them, greasing the threads, and reattaching them securely.
   

Give your bike a good once-over, fix any issues you find, and you might just silence that squeak. If it still persists, well, sometimes bikes are just a bit temperamental. Happy wrenching!

3. Identifying a vintage racing frame can be a bit like navigating a maze blindfolded, but I'll do my best without a picture or more details. The weight of ten pounds is impressive for a racing frame, and it could be an indicator of high-quality materials.

Here are a few suggestions on how to identify it:

1. Check for Brand Markings: Look for any logos, brand names, or serial numbers on the frame. Sometimes, these can be found on the bottom bracket, head tube, or seat tube.
   
2. Inspect Frame Details: Note any distinctive features, such as the shape of the lugs, type of tubing, or specific design elements. This can help narrow down the possibilities.
   
3. Search Online Resources: There are online forums and databases where bike enthusiasts share information about vintage frames. Websites like Bike Forums, Classic Rendezvous, or specialized vintage bike databases might be helpful.
   
4. Consult Bike Shops or Experts: Local bike shops or vintage bike experts might have experience with various brands and models. They can provide valuable insights based on visual inspection.
   
5. Consider the Components: The components (like the groupset, brakes, or other parts) on the bike might also provide clues. Sometimes, certain manufacturers paired specific frames with particular components.
   

Without more specific details or a visual reference, it's challenging to pinpoint the exact make and model. If you can provide more information or, better yet, share a picture on a bike enthusiast forum, you might increase your chances of getting a more accurate identification. Good luck with your vintage racing frame hunt!

4. The local bike shop wants to charge me some astronomical sum to repair my intergalactic space-age hyperdrive.

Alright, maybe not that extreme, but seriously, bike repairs can sometimes feel like daylight robbery. It might be worth checking if the cost aligns with the value of your bike and the extent of the repairs needed. If it's just a minor issue, you could consider DIY fixes or getting a second opinion from another shop. Happy pedaling, and may your repair costs be down to Earth!

5. Well, let's just say, expecting a top-notch bike from Walmart is a bit like hoping for a five-star gourmet meal at a fast-food joint. Walmart bikes are generally on the more affordable end of the spectrum, which means they might be suitable for casual riders or those on a tight budget.

However, if you're a serious cyclist or plan on hitting the trails frequently, investing in a bike from a specialized bike shop might be a wiser move. Those bikes typically come with higher-quality components and are often assembled with more care and expertise.

In the end, it really depends on your biking needs. If you're just looking for a budget-friendly option for occasional rides, a Walmart bike could do the trick. But if you're serious about your cycling adventures, it might be worth saving up for a higher-quality ride from a dedicated bike shop. Choose wisely, and happy cycling!