I am 220#.
My gravel bike weighs 22#.
I have loaded it with rack and gear and used it for a multi-day tour.

I was rolling with well over 250# on the wheels.

My wheels are 35mm deep carbon rims with 24h front and 28h rear straight pull spokes.
That is a single short tour, yes, but the normal purpose is rolling over surface that is way harder on a rim and spokes than any paved roads people tour on.

The wheels are dead true still, spokes are well tensioned still, and I expect they will stay that way for a ton more miles.

My commute/tour bike still has 36h 3x laced wheels and will continue to, but that is hardly the only smart way for a bigger person to ride with gear.