He would oil his chain.

But more importantly, this statement from Sheldon as a lead-in to his article on chain lubrication should be strictly adhered to (IMO): "This article is based on my personal and professional experience and my own theories. If you disagree with them, I won't call you a fool or a villain, you may be right. I hope you will extend me the same courtesy."

Personally, I think the countless threads on BF on chain maintenance, particularly the threads focused on waxing chains, could use a big dose of Sheldon's approach and attitude. And I don't mean oil vs. wax, not at all. I'm talking big picture here.

It's a bicycle chain. Like with most things, Sheldon got it.