Originally Posted by jumpr
As a 21-year-old college student, I've been fair-weather bike commuting for almost a year and my girlfriend has expressed an interest in cycling with me recreationally. So today, I went to her house and we set out to a local bike trail on our bikes. I asked her if she wanted to ride on the roads, and she emphatically told me that she wouldn't ride on the roads and would only go out if we rode on the sidwalks. What do I do?
Dear Cyclist in Distress,
Killing silently is a tall order, but a quick look at an anatomy chart will show that the larynx is an easy enough target—providing you can make a stealthy submerged approach, sneak up on your victim, and catch him unaware. Once that's accomplished, grasp his hair as close to the scalp as you're able to and yank his head back while using your Ka-Bar combat knife to make a lateral cut across his throat. Make sure you sever both the carotid artery and jugular vein while piercing the windpipe, and press hard; the larynx is a tough, rubbery piece of tissue.