All the shorts I've had , the chamois should be countoured to your contour. I recall once had some brand with a really stiff chamois that wasn't snug because of its rigidity. So,was not effective. Seems they were some cheapie Nashbar brand.
If you are sitting on your sit bones, your soft tissue will ride above the saddle. The chamois is to giving padding to soft tissue areas and prevent chaffing. Well fitting shorts should be snug but not too tight. That's what's makes them so comfortable.
My saddles are hard , but about the periphery they have some raised gel material to evevate your soft tissue. Narrow saddles are needed because large cushy seats gets in the way. You will get used to it, if you sit right and have the right bike shorts.