Originally Posted by Placid Casual

Well, there was this one time that a couple of friends of mine wanted to have a night to themselves, so I offered to babysit their daughter. Around ten o'clock or so, with not a damned thing to watch on TV and nothing else to do, I said the hell with it and dropped a hit of windowpane acid. I was just going to listen to music, but once it kicked in I realized that I just had to take the old fixed gear out for a spin. Quickly I tucked the baby in, put some food in the oven, and ran out with the bike to take a ride.

Big mistake. It started out pleasant enough, but soon I could feel--and I mean, really feel--every little pebble in the road vibrating right through the Deep V's into my spine, through my neck and into my brain. As if that weren't enough, when I turned onto a busy street, I started getting really bad visual hallucinations. The red light at the end of the block turned into dutret, from BFSSFG, lecturing me in a slow distorted voice on why I should be using ergonomic road drops instead of track drops. I could actually hear him droning on and on about how I only think I know why I want track drops, but that really my own desires were too deep-seated for me to understand, and only he could understand, so why didn't I just ditch the track drops for some ergonomic road drops, which are what I really want even though I won't admit to myself that they are what I want, and I don't know why I won't admit it or why I really want them? The red light (dutret's face) kept turning green, then red, then green again while he lectured me. Finally I managed to look down at my watch, and once it stopped melting, I saw to my amazement that it was two o'clock in the morning. I had been trackstanding at the same light, listening to an imaginary lecture on handlebars, for four hours. Jesus, was I ever high.

I rode back to my friends' apartment as quickly as I could, hoping that they hadn't gotten home yet and found the place empty. They weren't there yet, but when I checked the kitchen I realized to my utter horror that I had put the food to bed and put the baby in the oven!!!!!!!!!!!

Fortunately, I had forgotten to turn on the oven. Like I said, I was really high.