I got my momma. She'll hook me up, the sweet lady. But jeah, the guy at checkout was like, "It's the law. It's just like cigarettes, you know?"

No. No I don't know. Please explain, Sales Associate D-Bag, why I, three months shy of eighteen, am barred from buying spray paint. Is there a fear that I inevitably use spraypaint as a means to my inherently vandalistic teenage ends? Will I huff it? Is high-gloss enamel the cognac of the paint fume world?

Effing chicken-lovers.