Originally Posted by TandemGeek

Note: To the mega-Type A personalities that have passive spouses, none of the following will make any sense. That said...

Not surprisingly, this is the "best" advice I've read so far given what you shared with us in your original post. All of the other "stuff" pertaining to the "captain's" view of the learning process is useful and important, but a sincere interest in learning your stoker's view of the tandem and motiviation for suggesting it will yield the most useful information for a successful experience.

Debbie was not a cyclist, per se, when we brought home our first tandem. She was excited about it, generally in good shape, tough and competitive, but she hadn't spent a lot of time on a bicycle saddle in some 30 years. However, before we actually went for the test rides we spent a good amount of time talking about our views of what cycling was, what it wasn't, and the like. I was full of knowledge (perhaps full of myself) and she was interested in spending time with me and getting in better shape.

With a general idea of what the long term goal was -- fitness, fun, hopefully new friends, and time together, not competition or banging elbows with the racer boys on Saturdays -- our first rides were about 7 mi long. Short for me, but longer than anything the'd ever done and she was hurtin' after those first rides. On our third outing -- after making some adjustments to her riding postion after each outing -- instead of telling me that she wanted to turn around at the 3.5 mile mark she said let's do the whole (14mi) loop. It was her call and she did fine. We did that loop several times over the next week and two weeks after we started riding the tandem we did our first group tandem ride. 25 miles on very hilly roads with 14 other tandems and she was hooked. A month later she did her first metric century at a local charity ride that five couples from the previous month's tandem ride rode as a group. Although it's not essential that you ride with other tandem teams, it sure does drive home the social aspects of tandeming. Throughout this process and, to a certain extent event today, I have had to compromise on my cadence so as not to "spin her legs off". Of late, she's not as fearless which is also causing me to modify my riding habits on the tandem, e.g., taking it a bit slower on the descents and through the corners. That's just the way it is IF you have a give and take relationship.

I'll spare you the rest of the anecdotals. However, my recommendation for all new teams is to discuss your mutual goals for riding in general as well as for each ride with your wife before jumping on the bike, e.g., how about 10mi today and lets take it easy. Also, let her know it's OK to say "I think we need to turn around" or "lets go short today" without feeling as though you'll be disappointed. In time, you may find her saying "let's do another loop" or "let's go long today". It's these incidental discussions before during and after each ride -- basically demonstrating a sincere interest in your stoker's viewpoint, feedback, and suggestions by your actions and not just good intentions -- that will yield the best chance for long-term success as a tandem team.

Bottom Line: Communicate, communicate, communicate doesn't mean over-communcating only while riding, it's best assumed to be "before, during, and after".