Oh that old love song?

I love the:
Me: WOW. Sorry man, I can't do your flat, you fork is bent way back.
Guy: What does the fork have to do with my flat?
Me: It means that if I fix the flat, you are still going to ride away on a death-trap
Guy: Man, I'm late for work, I just need the flat done
Me: Sorry my hands are tied.
Guy: I'm not going to sue. Can't I sign something?
Me: Store policy. I can sell you a tube, and take the wheel off for you
Guy: I don't know how to do a flat
Me:...