Originally Posted by cyclezealot
Cycling is an obesssion. I don't know what to say.I have that obsession. You like/love the guy as a person.? It is a life style..I plead with my wife to go cycling..I bought her a bike. She always is too busy.
I try to make some compromises.I am always back for events we share together. There is always time for us.I am not a complete addict. Also, have addiction to scuba.That did not go over well with my first wife. I am still into scuba.
Your hobbies become your lifestyle..This being a healthy one. There is no way my wife will get me off the bike.
We make a decent living, if she said I can't spend the money there would be fireworks. Not that I should not try to be reasonable to our financial situtation.
I really suggest you try riding some with him. To your abilities. He loves you he wants you there. I do my wife.
What a person needs they need.You like quiting let's say, He would be a jerk to deny you an expensive sewing machine. You won't try riding with him,then you must each work on your own space and share common times together by being reasonable.
That being said. When one loves one another. I do think it not unreasonable that the other at least give the others obsession a try.Have you.? Have you been open minded to it.You might enjoy it? It might be good for you and make you a better person...It might open up you world to a new social outlet you might enjoy.? My second wife tried scuba diving with me, but she has ear problems..None the less, she enjoys the social connections with my dive friends..The social camping trips to Catalina.She does snorkle.
As to you can't get into riding,unless you have some physical disability; I say that is crap.We all have to start out. If you love him, you will give it a try. It will be his love for you that he slows down and works on making you a better cyclists and healthier person.
If you can't give each other their space and emotional NEEDS, then I say the relationship has some challenges.Go to time trials with him..Make new friends of his new cycling friends.. Try sharing his passion for the sport.You can become a part of it.One way or another.
As the scuba bumper sticker states.."My wife says this is your last dive, or I hit the road." or something like that.
the reply.."I will miss her." Good luck.
One reason I was impatient with the recent break up of Lance Armstrong's marriage. I read she was impatient with his professional cycling status, after he made them millions.
That the case, he only has a couple years to go as a pro.I have no patience for her..She should let him finish his career. And after what cycling did for the family fortune, I feel her ungrateful..
Again, my wife refuses to share in my needs, she knows compromise is necessary and not deny me what I need.Should you think you can deny him what is in his blood. Becoming good at time trials or touring hundreds of miles takes time and training..It is a life style and you could be a part of it one way or another....Good luck.
It sounds selfish to me.
If you let your bike get in the way of your relationship, I don't care many MILLIONS you make, it's selfish.
At some point in the relationship, you have to realize there's something more to the two of you than that bike. If you can't realize that, then there's a problem. I think it's ridiculous to expect someone to pick up someone else's hobbies because they have an obsesson with that particular hobby. If a woman was all about sewing, and she spent as many hours a day doing sewing and refused to spend time with her mate, then took every conversation with her husband/sig other talking about sewing, there wouldn't be a man alive that would fight to chew his arm off to get away from her fast enough. Even if he were understanding and took some classes, he would certainly feel that after a certain point, enough is enough, and there needs to be some talk about their mutual interests, whatever they may be.
Now, if Lance or anyone else actually procreated with another woman, married her, and made the focus of his life about cycling and refused to take time out for his wife and family, OF COURSE the wife is going to get impatient- sheesh, you can't have that many kids (twins too, no less, and each kid no more than 2 years away from each other) and not expect for the other spouse to help out too- marriage is more than being about bringing home the bacon, and a lot of men fail to realize this. They feel like because they're bringing home the money, they don't have to take the time to share in the housework, child rearing, etc. As a result, the marriage suffers, and so do the children. Any person that heard that Lance/Kiki story that got upset with KIKI is crazy- there is no way on God's green earth that any man shouldn't share in the responsibilities when needed, put aside their work when they're needed by their family, and take the time out to pitch in. If they can't do the bare minimum, that's selfish. Not every woman in the world wants money over a good man and good love that comes with that man- and if you're all about a wife that's just satisfied with making MILLIONS, then really... I feel sorry for you.
Ok, I don't know what this woman's relationship is for real with this guy. I can say that if she doesn't care for it, and she's made an attempt to learn about cycling, but really, it's not her thing, and this guy is all about this bike, and he can't see that she needs more from the relationship, it may be time to seek some serious counselling. I wouldn't say give up- if they're still together after all this, there has to be something there worth fighting for. Do whatever you can to try to make it work, but if he can't meet you halfway after doing all this, it may be the beginning of the end. There has to be a way you can talk out what's going on and resolve the issues. I don't have a problem if the dude wants to go out and bike ride, but from what this woman is describing, there's just no room for her, except in the bedroom. Me personally, that's not good enough for me. There has to be one on one interaction, and he has to take an interest in the things she likes to do, AND they ought to have some things they like to do together. They don't have to do everything together- that's too much, and I think it's a bit unhealthy too if they are doing everything together all the time. There should be time for them to work on their own hobbies, and time for each other to work on some things together. That is what I would consider a healthy relationship.
Of course, I could be too much of a demanding nut too...
Koffee