Besides getting some input for myself, I figured I'd post this so you all could copy it if you wanted and give it to your bicycle illiterate friends(aka potential bicycle scouts). It seems like a pretty good way to make it easy for someone to identify a bike as something you'd be interested in, and saves you the trouble of being stuck with a POS. If you wanted to adapt it for personal use, you'd have to factor in price somehow, but the source in question here sells bikes in the range of $1 - $50 with no exceptions, so mine is just based on that. The story goes like this:

I've got a friend who sits at the Goodwill outlet here for hours on end, buying clothing to sell on eBay. They always have a bunch of bikes there, but they usually get snatched up pretty quick, so me riding the 6 miles one-way with my trailer is a real pain considering the hit-or-miss nature of it. She's volunteered to be a bicycle scout for me and grab bikes when they bring them out, but she needs to decide which are decent, and she knows next to nothing about bikes. Here's what I've figured out so far...let me know if you think I should change anything. I'm going to show her real-life examples of everything, and she's going to bring a magnet to tell the difference between steel and aluminum.

------------------------------------------------------

SCORING
-Only buy bikes that score a 4 or better.
-If the frame is damaged, only buy it if it scores a 7.
-If the bike is very old, as in pre-1950s, ignore this and buy it.
-If anything on the bike says "Campagnolo", ignore this and buy it.

CRANKS
-One Piece..................DO NOT BUY
round, steel cranks that curve into the center
-3 Piece, cottered.........0
skinny, steel cranks bolted to the axle. the bolt is perpendicular to the axle.
-3 Piece, standard........1
wider, aluminum cranks with no visible bolts. there is a dustcap that conceals the bolt.

SHIFTERS
-Thumb......................1
mountain bike-style shifters, clamped onto the handlebars.
-Stem........................1
shift levers clamped onto the stem(the piece holding the handlebars).
-Downtube...................2
shift levers attached to the diagonal tube on the frame of the bike.
-Bar-End.....................AUTOMATICALLY PURCHASE
shift levers sticking out from the ends of the handlebars.

DROPOUTS
-Press-Fit.....................DO NOT BUY
stamped dropouts which are visibly "clamped" into the tubes.
-Stamped.....................1
dropout is flat, and looks like it was made with a cookie cutter. edges are flat
-Forged......................2
dropout has 3D surface features, especially where the axle clamps on. edges are typically rounded.

RIMS
-Steel..........................0
chrome finish, often rusty
-Aluminum.....................2
dull finish, no rust

BENT FRAMES
I drew her a side-view stick diagram of a normal frameset, and then one that has been in a front-end collision(bent fork, bent top/down tubes behind headtube) and explained what to look for, including paint flaking and subsequent rust in those areas. I don't want to overload her with info and make it too hard for her to do this for me, considering it's a favor, so I limited the frame damage to this.

------------------------------------------------------

So...thoughts?
I made it so I'd only get better than: steel rims, cottered cranks, stem shifters, stamped drop outs.