i would also rather ride uphill than down i think. it makes me feel alive, like i'm actually doing something. it gives me a sense of accomplishment.
i just spin the pedals and try to focus on my breathing and not passing out. and i think about how great the views are along the way. and a million other things...how great it would be if my friends from boston were there with me, how great it would be if my girlfriend was there with me, how very much i love riding my bike. the pain is what drives me. i frequently push myself to what i percieve as my breaking point and beyond. i acclimate myself to it in some instances, or learn to shut it out in others. it's a good pain. a constructive pain. legs burning, lungs burning, arms about to give out, eyes just searching for any little spot of level ground and not finding it until the end. having your mind go from thinking about all the little things in your life that upset you, to suddenly, only being able to focus on the pain, and getting rid of it, and knowing that the only way to get rid of it is to go through more, to continue. to keep turning those pedals no matter what. i've never been close to losing control of my bike because of pain. when i'm on my bike i consider it my job not to fall, not to get hit, not to let the world, and my shortcomings, win. yeah, i get passed, but it's not about that. everyone gets passed. everyone falls. i'm sure i will someday too. more pain.
on a semi-unrelated note:
i noticed the other day on the way down that if i take a few pedals then coast, as soon as i start coasting, i pull up kinda violently with both feet. just straight up, without thinking about it. wonder why that is...