Originally Posted by 55/Rad
I hear what you're saying and I appreciate it. Your feelings are EXACTLY what mine were until it actually happened. But there are a lot of reasons why somebody would be willing to break the vows. And they're not all one-sided. Being able to look within and understand why things happen the way they do, or did, is a huge part of the process of healing, starting over, and re-establishing trust.
The percentages I quoted are in fact, true. Unfortunately, I spent way too much time over at another forum learning about things I thought I already knew. Also, it's not so easy to just walk away when you've got 13 years of history, kids, a mortgage and a business, aging parent issues, etc....it may sound easy, but it isn't. You inevitably look at all the options, including trying to repair what needs fixing....
i think everything you've said makes sense. i've yet to get married (33 years old and i hope to marry my current hard-core-cyclist girlfriend) and never cheated and (to my knowledge) never been cheated on in my various relationships, and hopefully it never happens...
BUT, i agree that the "i'd definitely dump here if it happens" is not as straightforward as it sounds, as you have said.
i mean you have many years and KIDS and you whole life is intertwined, so IF it can be discussed and dealt with and smoothed out and worked over than i think that can be "stronger" than just giving up b/c of the blow to your self-esteem when the partner cheats...
anyway, i just felt like saying that each situation is different and i can imagine many where staying together would be the better choice.
good luck and keep up the cycling. hopfeully you guys can either repair the relationship and again be a true family. open talk is the ticket.