Originally Posted by Old_Fart
Lately I'm finding that some of my good friends just don't get it. They won't accept my explanations of why this is important to me. To them it's not about money, pollution, traffic, or whatever, it's all an excuse to snub them. The little whiny details really don't matter for purposes of this post.
In some ways the details do matter: exactly what is it about your car-free life that bothers those friends? I can think of at least three possible dynamics that could be at work, and I would handle each one differently.
Case #1: They perceive you as preaching at them, even if you're certain that you're not.
If I get this vibe from someone, I do my best to back off and respect their limits. Even if I never say the word "bike", my friends and family still see me pull up on one every time I arrive somewhere, and I hope they see that I'm a lot happier as I step off my bike than they were as they hunted for a parking space. If they actually
ask why I don't own a car, then I can talk their ears off. Depending on
their interests, I might give 'em my best tree-hugger spiel, or talk simple financial horse sense, or dispel their mistaken beliefs about slowness and danger, or just tell them how much fun I have...until the first sign that their eyes are glazing over, at which point we talk about something else.
Case #2: They feel like you're never available to do stuff with them. Maybe you actually turn down their invitations because their plans aren't practical without a car...or maybe they just assume that you can't travel more than a few miles, and don't invite you in the first place.
In this case, take the initiative. Find things that you both like to do, at times and places where you'll have no trouble getting there by bike (and they'll have no trouble by car), and invite them. It's kind of fun to watch a friend's brain rearrange itself when you ask them to meet you at a Saturday music fesitival in a town fifty miles away...and, of course, you show up on a bike. It lets them know that you value their company enough to ride a "mind-blowing" distance to hang out with them, and it reminds them to include you in future plans even you'd have to ride a few miles to get there.
And if something important is happening at a time and place that I can't reach without driving...I rent a car and I drive. I figure the extra carbon I burn that day will be cancelled out many times over, if it helps someone else realize that giving up their car is not some momentous, irrevocable step. On that rare occasion when a car would make life better, it's not hard to get hold of one.
Case #3: They think less of you because you make "weird" choices.
My solution to this one is simple: to hell with 'em. If they look down on me for riding a bike, then they probably look down on other "freaks" as well. I don't want bigots as friends.