That was a great story Akarius! And funny too when you consider turning a simple act like relieving one's self into a death defying feat!
I like to stealth camp too, but the only food swiping critters I run into are raccoons, which although much smaller than bears, can be quite nasty and formidable if they've already gotten to your food and you try to chase them away.
Anyway, I thought I'd post a link to a neat little gizmo that I use all the time while stealth camping: http://www.pcthiker.com/pages/gear/pepsistove.shtml
Perfect for the leave no trace camper.