Not to hop on any "beatin' you up" bandwagon, but from what you said, it sounded like your wife was maybe going to pick the kids up around 6-ish but instead you picked them up after your ride, an hour and a half later? If that's the case, even if you do pay her for her services, you wouldn't pick kids up 90 minutes late from a daycare place where you had a contract (and if you did, there'd be a fine associated with it!). Even if you're paying her, it's just not respectful to change times all willy-nilly .
That said, if your wife left you a voicemail, I'd say it was her responsibility to make sure you'd gotten it before she assumed you were dealing with it.
I went through some of the same weirdness in my marriage. What I saw as him blowing off family responsibilities, not helping me out, and not spending enough time with his child, he saw as necessary solo recreation on the golf course. What he saw as me foolishly being overly involved with work ("I don't know why you try so hard or care what they think, just blow it off"), I saw as me trying to do the best job I could so on those many days when I had to stay home with a sick infant, I could rest on my reputation as a dedicated manager.
I'd suggest counseling over this one, too. It can never hurt, y'know?
