On a lighter note:

Your First Colonoscopy: Going Where No Man Has Gone Before

So I'm waiting to go in and there's this cute blonde nurse and I say, "Hey blondie, why all he red pens?" and she says, "So I can draw blood."

And the doctor comes in after it's over with this certificate, and I say, "Hey doc, what's this?" And he says, "It's for your wife. It certifies that your head is not up your ass."

Ba-dum

So I have surgery and they take out a chunk of colon, and now I've got a semicolon. And they put in a colonostomy and glue a bag to my belly. And so I name the bag after George Bush because they're both full of ****.

Thank you very much! I'll be here all week!!