Consider this a mental vent. If you don't want to read it, please just put me on ignore for a few days. Otherwise, I've got a couple of things I want to get off my chest. Some of it isn't exactly pleasant.

1. I keep thinking about the brutal physicality of what took place. I can't stop fixating on how Charlie's life was taken and wondering what happened and if he suffered. If it happened quickly, well whatever ... but to be hurt and scared in a place where you're either alone or surrounded by strangers. It's just too much to picture when I think of that happening to Charlie. And the fact that someone accidentally killed him ... my god, it boggles my mind. I can understand "Oh I was drunk and wasn't paying attention when I stepped on someone's foot" but to kill someone with your car ... to just - oops - take someone's life ... Charlie was meant for so much more than something like that. If felt so proud of the guy when he left that bull**** job at the bank and went to go on a trip that obviously meant so much to him and would give him so much growth as a person. And the raw courage to go out and do something like that on his own. I could only sit at home and wish I had the nerve to pull off something like that. I know I wasn't the only one cheering him on and enjoying the adventure through him. Now I'm stuck knowing something horrible happened but it's just clawing at my head wondering if he at least didn't have to suffer. All day it's been all that I can think of. I guess I'm trying to find some semblance of comfort in a situation where there obviously is none.

2. The first time I met and hung out with a lot of you guys in person was the bike show a couple of years ago. That was the day we all met up at Moonbean and road as a group to the show. I never told anyone what was going on with me that day but that was my first day back in Toronto after burying my dad. He'd collapsed on the front lawn at our house back at home when no one was around. By the time someone found him, he had been without oxygen for too long and was brain dead. I still had to speed home completely in denial about the situation and confront the fact that all of a sudden my dad was basically dead and it was time for me to pull the plug. The whole routine of looking into his eyes for any hope of him still being in there, "give me any sort of sign at all that you don't want me to do this" nightmare will never go away. Anyway, coming back to Toronto after that hell was really, really helpful for me because I had a distraction and friends. Just being around you guys helped me so much during that period and it was so wonderful to have some time off from what I was feeling. The point of this is that if anyone else out there wants to get together and just hang out for a bit, please get in touch. I don't care if you want to go ride bikes in silence for a few hours or sit down and have a few drinks to talk things over. I'm a bit of night owl and I'm up for whatever. So ya, the offer's out there if anyone needs a distraction from their head (416.531.0935 / 416.778.6473).

- Mike