I ignore a lot of stuff, like I didn't see it and like it doesn't bother me a bit. If the driver is having a bad day, it doesn't mean it has to become your problem too.
I've also discovered the power of the friendly wave and smile.
Take your first situation, I would have turned and given the driver the driver my warmest smile and waved at him. That almost always catches them off guard ... they don't know what to do. They can't come after me for waving and smiling at them. And in that moment where they aren't sure what to do next, I make my turn and am out of their way.
I have had drivers back in Manitoba, where the drivers were a bit more aggressive toward cyclists, come up behind me and honk at me as though they want me to get off the road. Every time I give them a wave and smile ... and more than once, I've had them, hesitantly and tentatively, give me a wave and smile back.
