The nice thing about a Trek 1000 is that it's got eyelets for the attachment of cargo racks - but these work just as well for a surface-to-air missile battery. Just make sure to use a rear wheel with a high spoke count and beware of the slightly squirrelly handling that will result from having three or four tons of ordinance on the rear of your bicycle.

Also, have a look at one of the ending scenes of the film Syriana - some fine young lads do a good job lashing a stinger missile to the front of a fishing smack, allowing them to redress their grievances with a liquified natural gas tanker. They must've been Boy Scouts.