Mattp, thanks for the insult. I guess the root of the problem is my ignorance. Do you talk to people like that in person, or only from behind a keyboard?

For those interested in the constructive nature of this post, I installed a new Shimano cassette and the drivetrain returned to butter smooth. The SRAM's are on their way back to Jenson, never to darken my drivetrains again. I'm just ignorant like that.