snusmumriken

And I am tremendously grateful for your words. You are one of very few people who seem to make sense of things.

Despite all the sense, their are a couple of points where I feel that the sense does not apply to me. Notably:

I do not need a trip like this. I have almost exclusively been very happy and content for the past two years of my life. Sure thing, I have a strangely impulsive and adventurous nature fostering ideas and desires whose fulfilment is incredibly satisfactory. Going to Asia by bike is one of them, and I'm pretty certain it would've felt great, regardless of how I (technically) enjoy the physical activity of touring. The thing is, I don't need this satisfaction... I'm not even sure pursuing it is the right thing to do. I believe I could, through concentration and meditation, stay in home town till the very end of my days and still feel absolutely happy and at peace with myself. It seems hard, but I can do anything at that is one of those things. Happiness lies within, and I believe I've found it there.

Blablabla.

Quite honestly, I don't see much meaning in biking to China.

Seriously.

I cannot argue far it beyond this: I am trying to live in the moment; trying not to think too much about the future and not too much about the past. In this very moment, I happen to have a strangely strong desire to go to China on two wheels, so I will do it. From my experience, realising this desire will make me feel very satisfied, in a way that is hard to describe, because I don't really (intellectually) see the point in doing it.

What makes sense to me on an intellectual level is doing things which I believe somehow "improves" the world. I would like to "do good". I find it a little hard fitting the activity of touring to China into that category. Of course I can combine certain things with my travels which I believe will also do good, but I think what I can do is very limited... more than at home in Norway. (Or, by all means, maybe I will have some very good idea underways.)

And I don't feel guilty. I would never feel guilty for following these desires (on the contrary, as already stated, I would feel perfectly happy and satisfied). I'm just thinking... maybe I should do something else, because I would probably be happy regardless of me biking there or not, and at the same time, perhaps I could help someone else, human or animal (or the whole ****ing ecosphere), feel happy or at peace.

I guess this is the well-known war between one's emotions and one's intellect, only in my case, it's not a war; they seem to get along well, while not getting too mixed up in each other's lives. And I like it that way. It's... fun, and interesting. It works.

Apart from that, Niles, I agree with you everywhere. Actually, my father has never really told me the money should not be used for this or for that. His main request is that I, being 18 years old and "grown up", should become economically independent of him. I respect this. I know that if I embark on my trip to Asia, I may very well run out of money while still there, and my dad must thus feel emotionally obliged to pay for me to help me out. I would not be free, and he would not be free.

I guess it all boils down to a fragmented concept of freedom. To realise some freedoms, you need to take others away. Having made up my mind on a quite a few philosophical and ideological issues, I have a preference of some freedoms, or combinations of some freedoms, over others. In this issue of money given to me by my father and their use, it's not that simple, but I will still, I think, choose to earn some money myself for purely practical reasons.

And I know I will be happy, nevertheless.

Thank you, once again.