schwinnbikelove

I have to leave here in a little bit to go to work and bust my ass for the next 7-8 hours, I'm too tired and depressed to have motivation. My carpal tunnel/tendonitis has been flaring up again off and on the last few months, I don't ride anymore (because of that, or laziness, or lack of ambition), my relationship has/is failing, I've just graduated with an art degree of all things. I'm sick of people asking me what I'm going to do with that. Either I get whistled at, rude comments, stupid ass ignorant people don't know what to do when they see a pedestrian/cyclist.

I hate my apartment/neighbors/people in general. I hate noise of any kind, impact wrenches (auto repair place right outside my window when I'm trying to sleep. I have an idea in my head of a place I want to live, but don't think it exists. I need constant human interaction from people I know and like. I need more sleep than ever, I work at night, sleep away my days. Sometimes 11 hours isn't enough. I'm all screwed up. I've wasted away my summer, haven't been free-spirited/no one to share it with. It all goes downhill from here, with my depression. I don't know if I can make it through another winter, mentally. Everyone I know is bound by their jobs, children, etc., time-wise. I want someone to share with, openly as I do in return (head, heart, time-wise). I feel so lonely almost all the time. I get more and more irritable and pissed off as time goes on. People get $hittier and $hittier.

My bike is a piece of poop. Since I've gotten my fixed wheels built up, I have not only trashed my dropout trying to keep the chain tight (still doesn't), but I can't get comfortable on the same bike that was awesome before (as a coaster brake). Too much pressure on my arms and seat. If they made a chain tensioner for horizontal dropouts, maybe I'd be a little more relieved... If I wasn't alone and lonely all the time, I'd be too annoyed by people to be around them.