I just want everyone to know I'm adding this topic to my Contentious Threads Pantheon Hall of Fame. Whenever I want to wind someone up, and after being inspired by this and previous threads, I shall post the following with random selections given:

About my dream touring bike setup.......

It would be [insert steel/alu/carbon fibre/wet noodles] as it's without a doubt the best frame material. The wheelset size would be [insert 700c/26"] as they are the fastest. For shifting, I would use [insert Shimano STI/Campy Ergo] shifters as [insert friction/bar end/Rapidfire/GripShift or all of the preceding options] shifters are just terrible for touring. For brakes I would use are [insert disc/centre pull/cantilever/v-brake/75lb cinder block tied to a piece of string], preferably anodized [insert blue/yellow/purple] to match my favourite colour.

The saddle would be a Brooks [insert B17/B17N/B66/B67/B52s] broken in by using [insert motor oil/being ridden 5,000 miles/a mallet/repeated floggings by a wet rag on Sunday morning in a leap year -though it should be noted I've only included a very small fraction of possible answers here].

I know there are alternatives, but you cannot tour on [insert a recumbent/an alu frame/two sticks tied together by dental floss] as the ride is too [insert harsh/funny looking] and you'd need custom [insert racks/wheels/dentures]. Lastly, I would always use [insert my noggin/a helmet] which should be made [insert compulsory by law/as full of holes as much as possible for ventilation].