Or do you?

I can't seem to find a satisfactory way, or place, to affix a hand-pump. I have bought
two... one was short, and I decided to just carry it in my shoulder bag, which I use
when commuting. But recently I bought another one, appropriately sized for my bike,
but it just comes with a single velcro strap... highly inadequate. I used a second strap
to stabilize, but it still wiggles and rattles as I ride, even though I have it strapped
quite tightly to the top bar. Now, the pump box itself (it's a Topeak) shows it strapped
to the vertical post, but I have a water bottle there. Even if I removed the water
bottle, the little screw nubs would still make it hard for the pump to rest snugly against
the post. And I find it hard to believe the velcro straps would hold it any more tightly
in a vertical position.

So... if you affix a pump, how do you keep it there?

Is there gear that would screw into the bottle holder screws and keep the pump more
securely connected? I notice I have screws on the *under side* of the tube connecting
crank to head. I could fit a pump there, although it would catch an awful lot of mud from
the front tire...

This seems like pretty basic stuff, but there's only one way to learn...