"I don't normally feel the need to point this out bro but just so you know I am a black belt in some pretty serious martial arts that allow me to train with katanas and nunchuku's (japanese for nunchuck) so just keep that in mind. I also am an ex navy seal and probably could find out where you live."

Basically at this point I am crying in front of my computer screen and putting my bike up on craigstlist.