sometimes it is about making the part work, as opposed to expecting it to. Sound backwards? Probably.
If it is a commuter, weight shouldn't be a huge issue. And height - rise I assume - on a quill stem is somewhat adjustable. Maybe I am just lucky - I have 4 quills that I got from ebay for about 20 buck for all. It is a commuter, right? Plus, I have some spares/exetras for friends to try.
So think of yourself aas a fitting source for you friends.
Or, just stop biking altogether. That would be the easiet thing to do. Just quit. No more hassles.
BUT - it would appear that you are on a journey, looking for the right bike type. Step back and remember that. Ask skitbra how many sets of handle bars he has, or me with cogs and quills and bars and pedals. I just try and be frugal - buy a cheapo and if it works, get what you want that is analogous to the cheapo. Things done out of frustration and haste are usually crappy and not what you want.
Take a step back and breathe a bit. Come back to it when you relize what you really want.