I weigh 214lbs (last I checked), and ride around 100 miles per week. All my current bikes have 32 spoke rims.

My personal favorite all-rounded rim is a Velocity Deep V. Got them on my tourer/commuter and my road bike. I've carried 50lbs of gear for days, rode on dirt/gravel roads and descended mountain passes going 40mph+.

Bottom line is, a good wheel build covers all your concerns. Throwing more spokes or rim mass doesn't make up for a poor build. Be sensible, don't get some 20 bladed spoke setup - but you don't have to be scared into getting a 40 hole, downhill/dirt jump wheel either.