I think my brain has somehow shifted into a different gear. Lately, the harder the ride, the more I can feel it, the better I feel about it when I'm done. Tonight, I feel really really good.

Late getting out of a Get Out the Vote volunteer meeting; it was dark, and chilly, and wet from the rain that had stopped about five minutes earlier. At the bikestation I discovered that my handy keycard would get me in to my bike, but not through the second locked door to my locker. Where all my bike clothes were. So, I rolled my (white, of course) work pants up past my knees, clipped my lights in, and rode home. No tights, no nice warm wicking jersey, no nice fuzzy sweats over the nice warm wicking jersey and tights.

I was really surprised to find that:
a) totally dark wasn't too dark
b) drizzly wet wasn't too wet
c) 45* F wasn't too cold

Somewhere around Belmont, I realized I'd been paying so much attention to my cadence that I'd lost an entire beach. I'd been waiting for it, dreading it, because it's always colder and windier on the beach stretches, but I'd breezed through the last one without even noticing it.

And then, right after Recreation, there was badness. My legs, which had hurt a bit but not too much, turned to jelly and started to hurt a *lot*. My ability to steer started to suffer. I started to think I had misjudged my location and that the beach was still coming up. I was breathing okay, deep and steady, not gasping, but I suddenly had to force my feet down again every time they came up. My stomach, which was fine before, started to feel weird and hollow.

I still had two miles to go and getting home required this intense level of concentration -- and was accomplished mainly through willpower. I've been here long enough to know that's a pretty fair description of bonking, but how could I possibly have bonked on a six mile ride when I'd had a latte and a cookie an hour before I started? Is that even possible? The ride seemed pretty tough right from the start, but through most of it my pace was steady, in spite of the weather and the headwind. It was only at the end that things went a bit wonky.

Anyway, it still feels like a great ride, because I made myself finish it and just knowing I can do that feels really cool. Knowing I didn't let the cold or dark or wet or lack of proper bikewear stop me, that feels pretty cool too. =)