cyclocross
Thanks for all the input guys. The one thing I've learned over the last couple of days is that it is absolutely astounding how much I don't know about bikes. I didn't know about the existence of something called cyclocross... and while I'm never gonna be doing any bike racing, it sounds like it might fit the bill better than a MTB with slicks. Can anyone suggest one worth buying for less than $800 (or am I just dreaming?)