I'll mention this, but don't want to be the "butt of any bad jokes". I am fairly certain that you anatomy is not the same as when you were a "teen wanna-be cyclist". I would recommend a pair of bike shorts. You have some good safety gear in your collection which is good, but if you are too sore to ride then it doesn't help having the other gear.

Welcome to the group. Look forward to hearing about you success.