TT- Cancellara is on the start list, but isn't riding. Still wins. He's that good. The UCI retroactively bans telekenesis and gives it to Levi. US fans walk around for the next 10 months claiming he would have won the tour if only...

RR- Going with the Cricket, followed by (pick one) Sanchez/Valverde/Friere, then a Schleck, which is Luxemburger for "if we could sprint we would own this".