Originally Posted by
Durward_Kirby
I want to know the proper technique for ridding myself of Fredishness. I need guidance from the enlightened ones on the forum in order to finally feel that I am not a Fred in any way, shape or form. What elements must I let go of and what must I foster in myself, my look, my attitude, and my bike in order to be counted as part of the pantheon of the elite? How is it possible that the majority of this forum (bikeforums.net) is actually inhabited by so many Fred without it collapsing into a heap of Huffy scrap metal?
BTW, what are non-Freds called?
Okay. Here's the process:
1. Post a picture of yourself. We will criticize you accordingly.
FIRST, THE BIKE
2. Look at your bike. Then look at your bike again. EVERYTHING that isn't
the bike should be removed, and anything that monitors your efficiency, power, heart rate,
etc should be added.
3. Flip the stem.
4. Change the wheels.
5. While you're at it, just buy a new bike. Ensure that it does not violate the Rules of the Euro Cyclist.
THEN, YOUR LOOK
6. Make sure your helmet matches your jersey, which should match your shoes, socks and gloves. NO PRO TEAM KIT (unless you're pro, of course).
7. Get
racing sunglasses. Make sure they are OUTSIDE the helmet strap while riding.
8. Do you like trance music? If not, learn to like it. It will be your energy while training.
THEN, YOUR ATTITUDE
9. If you wave at passing cyclists, stop doing so immediately. Always look like you're training. ALWAYS.
10. If you get dropped, hold your face and pace.
11. Don't get dropped.
12. Make sure to keep your cadence below 90 rpm, but above 85 rpm.
13. ALWAYS make it look easy.
14. Don't answer any questions asked from the public regarding your cycling.
That should at least make you a hack.