Okay, after re-reading your original post, I can suggest two things to try (and these are just my opinions, obviously). First, what is the tilt of your saddle? If it's level or tipped forward, tilt the nose further up. Otherwise, your body will tend to slide forward, forcing your arms to do the work of holding you up. Second, your post really focuses on your arms, their positions, and where the load is located. One thing to think about is your abdomen. Your abs should be contributing a lot of the effort to keeping your upper body elevated while riding. If the strain on your abs and/or arms is too much, you should look into re-fitting your bike via saddle (to-fro, tilt, and height) and bars (height and to-fro). Sorry, this kinda overlaps with my earlier post, but I'm optimistic there's a solution for you and hope you find it!