Let's say China and WalMart own American and decree no more than two bikes per family.

From your present inventory, pick two and the rest go to an orphanage.
This is easy if you have two.

If you only have one bike, you may adopt one.
No newborns, consider them allotted to party officials.

I'll start:
1988 Ironman Carbon, frame up build with Campy.
200? Airborne Ti, frame up build with DA.

Gosh I hope the rest go to a good home.