That's pretty funny! Hey, just learn to relax your toes. Seriously though, researchers have taken blood samples from athletes who wound up in med tents with severe cramps. They were neither dehydrated nor low on electrolytes.

In my experience of leading and participating in group rides for the past 13 years, I've never lain in the ditch myself, nor found anyone else lying in the ditch with cramps due to anything except exertion beyond training level. I usually find them near or just after the tops of passes, or on steep hills near the end of a relatively short but hard ride, like 100k. I'm talking about the lying-in-the-ditch-while-little-animals-run-under-the-skin-of-your-thighs kind of cramps.

Never on a brevet other than a populaire, possibly because randonneurs know better, or because they don't go over LT long enough to cause cramping, or because they are well trained. If it were electrolytes or dehydration, you'd think that'd show up on a 1200 when it's well over 100°. Instead, all we get is heat exhaustion, never cramping.