You cr@pped your pants?
I realized I forgot my pants as I was getting ready to take a shower after my morning commute to the office. Ok, its 7am, Target opens at 8am, I can just stay in my cube, and, assuming no one comes to see me, I can sneak out without furrowing anyone’s brows, go to Target, buy some pants, finish getting ready, and be sitting in my desk, being productive, by 8;30 am. It was very important to me that no one became aware of my blunder. First of all, because the office is full of jokers, second of all, I just don’t want to deal with the attitude that maybe I would be better off if I just drove to work.
7:50 am, I am out the door and on my way to Target. I start thinking; maybe I should let someone know that I will be right back, if anyone does go to my cube and my bike and I are absent, it may cause a bigger stir. So I call one of the project managers at the office.
Me: “Jim, I had to step out and go to Target, I need to buy a pair of pants. If anyone comes lookin for me just tell them I will be right back.”
Jim: “Ummm, OK.”
Target kicks ass. I explained my situation to the manager and included the fact that I didn’t have a lock since I typically leave my bike in my cube. I asked her if I can bring my bike with me into the store. She said, in a very welcoming voice, “Of course, please come in.”
8:30am. Finished getting ready and was sitting at my desk working, thinking, “You sly dog, pulled it off without anyone bearing witness to your bare legs.”
Then, from behind “Did you cr@p your pants?” bellowed Jim.
“No, I simply forgot them. Why don’t you shut your trap and keep the cr@p from spewing out.” I countered. But it was too late, the damage was done.
From cube B, “What happened, did you have Mexican for dinner?”
Cube C, “Guess those cycling diapers you wear didn’t do their job.” (Ok, I made that last one up, but that’s what I would have said had I heard the conversation).
In any case, the damage was done, Jim executed his revenge. Revenge served to me because I was delinquent with the money I owed him for the Girl Scout cookies he was hocking at the office for his little girl. So let this be a lesson to you all, pay for those damn GS cookies.
Jim got my 8 bucks…. But it’s not over.