The problem is that you opened up your rant with slang. Your intention was to anger readers and troll them.

+10 for lights.
-10 for assumptions
-20 for the 'ride a real distance' reference

My angry rebut - come down to Matamoros, we'll ride on the flat roads here for over a century, on fixed gear in 30 MPH head winds, you can ride your 40 lb. touring rig.