I don't need to upgrade to suck again. I do just fine at sucking right where I am.

I am trying the positive mental approach right now. I am still propelled in racing only by my fear of being shelled. It has only happened once this year so it's really a non-factor in reality but I find myself holding back a lot because....I don't want to burn up and get shelled.

2 times I allowed myself to prepare, visualize, and feel like I could do very well in a race. 1 resulted in a 5th place - amazing me, and the other a top 10. These were both in a dicipline I am not very good at - TT's.

I have a race in mind that is upcoming. I wish to do well. i have a very hard time saying "I want to win" just because deep in my heart I feel like it's impossible. All of my teammates are telling me I should try to win it and they want to ride support, and yet there are a few of them that could easily win the same race and I would hate to end up having them ride for me only to do poorly resulting in neither of us winning.

....which is stupid because I could do it but I just won't allow myself to think that way.

I am going to try to take the time to convince myself that it is possible to win it. I have a strategy and I have a feeling I know what it will take to stick a break and I will be training for that power output for that duration - or at least attempt it to know that I can really do it.