Shall I start on the letter of excommunication?

Sign this before you leave:

I am an American.

I hereby renounce all the trappings of Australia.

I renounce all blessings, benefits, graces, sanctifications, and advantages supposedly conferred on me by any country other than the USA, or by any act of misplaced patriotism performed by me or on my behalf in the past, present or future.

I condemn as monstrous the idea of road bikes, and renounce any fitting of training wheels on my behalf as an infant.

I reject as ridiculous the idea of a peaceful thread about nothing and spurn its presumed benefits.

I do not believe that any decent beer, cracker barbie or bonza shiela exists, and will not act as if they did.

I do not believe that any road bike is worthy, regardless of frame material, and will not pretend that they are.

I do not think that posting on the Aussie thread is anything more than talking to oneself and will not make believe that it is.

I do not believe that any colour of shoe is more sanctified than any other, or that any human being should be elevated above another in any way, due to bike choice, club membership, gender, occupation, favourite beer or for any other reason and will not feign that I do.

As a principled and rational person, it pains me that someone, somewhere may be counting me as an adherent of an irrational love of tandem mountain bikes which has done and is doing irreparable harm to humanity and with which I profoundly disagree. Please remove my name from the records of the Aussie thread, and record that I am no longer an Aussie. Please send me confirmation of this action. Please do this as soon as possible.


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