I was half way through a response and it just disappeared, so apologies if this shows as a double post

Lots of advice and lots of points of view. Personally, I'm not one who views different preferences as irreconcilable.

My beloved spouse and stoker of 20 years prefers a slower cadence. For her, it's comfort. She likes having a slower 'push' to get her saddle pressure lighter and to allow more of a third third third point of contact, saddle bars pedals.

And when we're doing that, we're faster and she's happier, and that's what we're both after!

I hope you both stick with it, and find a pace (with compromises) that you both enjoy