1 - seems like a really bad idea to have your wife leapfrogging you in the car on your way home. It's possible the guy in the van didn't see you because of the leapfrogging at an intersection (per your description).

2 - Learn to ignore people who yell stupid things at you. It'll make your life much happier. Sounds like you felt the need to seek a fight, rather than just walk away from a jackass who wasn't really threatening you in any tangible or immediate way. Does wonders for the rest of us riders when some of us choose to escalate a fairly benign situation rather than walk away from it.

Sorry, just my opinion.