I beg to differ, HD. You DO need a new bike. In fact, you need several new bikes. You need a rain bike, a touring bike, a road bike, a second road bike in case the first one is in the shop, a trekking bike, a commuting bike, and a vintage three speed. Of course, you also need all-campy racing bike, a full suspension mountain bike, a folding bike and a one-speed cruiser. I'm guesing you also need a red bike, because, well, everyone should have a red bike. Don't forget a garage full of old parts and tools, stacks of bicycling magazines cluttering up the house, and a boatload of spandex (and not for that softcore movie you're making).

You've gone this far. You might as well be like the rest of us crazy fools on this board.