can anyone recommend a brand of spray paint and clear coat to use

Duplicolor. At Auto parts stores.
Sand and prep (the key)
Prime, Paint. Lasts pretty well compared to other spray cans. Costs more, too.

Or see if the local auto body paint supplier will make you a spray can of one of their paints.
Much more expensive. At some point, you can powdercoat for about the same.

I just had a bike painted. Looks great. No way could I have ever come close to that.
Some things are better left to others.

I use Sikkens Auto Base Plus

PPG's 2042 is thick & shiny!

yeah, i'm starting to think i should let a pro do it. i like to think i'm pretty handy, but i dont want it to look like ****.

whats a good price for powdercoating just the frame

Dupli Color auto colors are lacquer. Even Duplicolor will tell you that it's not as durable as enamel. They have a few colors and a clear in acrylic enamel. Their wheel paint is also acrylic enamel. It's not as easy to use as lacquer, but it holds up much better.

You can get knock offs of name brand auto paints from TCP Global for way less money and they sell quarts.