So, I was riding on the roads east of town, in my neck of the woods, which also has a large contingency of "serious" riders. One of the "serious" bike shops is also located in my part of town. I was minding my own bidness, pedaling away on my Schwinn Le Tour II, t-shirt, running shoes, and non-bike shorts in tow. I understand that this wasn't a "serious" ride, even in it's day. I was going out, as the Peleton of Serious was coming in. One of the riders yells out "nice antique pampaw" (street for grandpa) followed by a contagious snickers throughout the line. I'm 48 and the bike is 35. I didn't have any comeback, because I really wasn't expecting someone to verbally blindside me like that. But, next time, I would like to have something good ready to go... any suggestions?

If you're 48, you don't have anything to prove to anyone. Just give them a high five (minus 4), and move on.

"Thanks, enjoy your ride" - just let 'em do their thing. It is hard to combat uncontained testosterone.

Just smile and wave.

There's nothing you can say, in fact saying anything will only fuel their fire.

Sounds like they may have had a testosterone overdose.

Aw, they were giggling like schoolgirls. Cute.

I wouldn't worry about a comeback. The best you can do is not let it get under your skin. Don't let their insecurity rub off on you.

A smile is always the most disarming response.

+1, exactly! The "Entitled Generation" generally have no respect for their elders.

"Have a nice ride there...Lance.."

almost funny! no need for any comeback. I know what I'd be thinking; what a prick! But I'd also be thinking the poor guy must have a lot of ego wrapped up in the bike between his legs & then I'd just be pleased to be me & not him, if you know what I mean. In the meantime, I probably would have only looked in the group's general direction with a sort of WTF look...

some prefer the silent middle finger. i prefer a good solid "**** ***!"

and it sounds good in mixed company. people appreciate it, because they don't hear it enough from a passing stranger at loud volume. you may hear a faint laugh in return from a nearby pedestrian, and that joyful sound alone might be just enough to make your whole day.

Just consider the source and laugh to yourself at the incredibly level of smartass stupidity.

I prefer insults that combine the phrase, "bite me, ..." with some aspect
of the lycra spandex, crabon fibre, Cat 6 racer lifestyle.

e.g. "Bite my ass, Pee Wee !! How was today's big adventure ?"

You get the idea..............

"You'd need a bigger ball than Lance to ride something like this!!"

or

"I see it only takes half a man to ride something new like yours!!"

or the tried and true "Go **** your mom, a******e!!"

Depends on how bad you feel like scrappin'.

Don't you have crime to fight spandex boy?

Is that a bike like Lance's?

Did you mistake your embrocation cream for your chamois butter?

Do you parents know you dress like that in public?

Well first of all, put your non-bike shorts on your butt instead of towing them behind.



I have a standard response for all heckling, whether it comes from other cyclists or motorists: I wave back enthusiastically and yell, "I LOVE YOU TOO!" or "I LOVE YOU, MAN!" At that point I can tell myself that the ones who are snickering are laughing with me. I once had a carful of high school boys buzz me and start yelling out F*** YOU and stuff like that. I waved and yelled back, "I LOVE YOU!" with a big smile on my face. They all started laughing and one of them yelled back at me, "It's cool, man!"

Steel is real, poser! Have a nice day...

Just stand on it and waste him. Leave him choking on dust and burnt rubber.

Or how about;
"Yeah, your mom thought it was cool enough."

"The jerk store called... they're running out of you!"

"I'LL PRAY FOR YOU!"

People are always touched when I say this.

"This rides nearly as nicely as your mom."

"Oh -- isn't that the carbon fork with the safety recall?"

Theres always something you can say, but why? **** 'em dude, you'll still be riding your bike when most of them are dead or dying from steroid abuse.