Richard_Rides

I've been taking pictures of my weight loss and will be at my goal weight by this summer. I want to be one of those people on TV with the before and after pictures pitching idiotic weight loss schemes or flimsy workout contraptions.

About once a week a new product appears on TV trying to sell false hope to fat people nation wide. Every one of these commercials or infomercials has people with before and after pictures giving heart felt and sincere testimony about how <insert product here> helped them lose 100 pounds....

Obviously the people giving these testimonials did not lose weight using whatever sit-up machine or protein drink they're pitching, they are paid "before and after" models selling their weight loss pics to the highest bidder.

I'm trying to find out how to land one of these gigs. I feel that I possess the most important qualities to be selected as a weight loss pitchman: Greed and an utter lack of personal integrity.

I have been searching for "agents" or "talent scouts" or some way to break into this lucrative field. Obviously these models are in demand and this is a real industry that pays real money. I would sell my story to Slim Fast, Jenny Craig, Trek Bicycles or anybody willing to reimburse me for the agony I've gone through losing this weight. I can speak eloquently on the nightmare that being a fat person in America can be, I can even cry and quietly plead "Please turn off the camera, this hurts..." in order to sell an electronic belt that shocks my abdominal muscles or a copper bracelet with amazing magical weight loss properties.

I've worked hard you mother effers and I'm ready to cash in. Do any of you know how I can sell my astonishing weight loss story? Does any body know some formally fat slob that sold his story to Bowflex or Nordic Track? Does anybody know of a Theatrical Agency that handles this kind of thing?

Soon I will no longer be a fat person and when I am hard and ripped I'd like to be the wise guy you see on TV pitching high protein enemas or or some stupid chin-up bar you bolt in your doorway. If anybody can help steer me in the right direction, it would be a big help.

Thanks in advance, your pal, Richard.

bdinger

ROFL, this wins the best post of the week!

Tom Stormcrowe

After my Bicycling Magazine Online Feature, I ought to be able to land some gigs.

Richard_Rides

Yeah, you're already famous, probably second to Lance Armstrong, now you gotta find some way to get your piece of the American Dream. You could probably write a book and do pretty well.

Tom Stormcrowe

Except that's not me in the pic, that's 10 wheels.

This is me.

Richard_Rides

LOL. Sorry.

Tom Stormcrowe

No worries, yu at least got the right Tour de Cure team.

He came up from Tx in June for the ride! 10 wheels is a great guy, by the way.

10 Wheels

WOW, now I am famous. People posting my pic.
How do I get rich**********?
Make My Brother Rich also.

Bob says Bikes are just a bunch Pipes welded together, so I made him My Chief Mechanic for The Indy Ride. He is holding his favorite bike tool.

vXhanz

Very funny RR! Definitely made my night by reading that. I really needed a good hearty laugh.

Thanks again,

V

wayne pattee

Richard, I wish you were my neighbor. I think that would be fun.
Lets see the before and after pics.

StephenH

Losing weight is the hard way to do this. It is so so simple, but people just don't think it out. Say you're a reasonably buff person that needs some cash. You go visit various sponsors, get them to all sign you up. You go down and take pictures. And you make commercials for each product. Then you take 6 months off work and lay in bed and eat cake icing and peanut butter until you've gained 200 lbs. Then you go take the "before" pictures and you're done. Money in the bank!

wandalynn

Yup, this is exactly how it's done. For female models, I've read the 'before' pictures are actually post partum pics taken 7-9 mos. after the 'after' pic!

wandalynn

So now there's a BOB the plumber too?

Wogster

Then of course they digitally enhance those photos as well. However the biggest secret, for women is they dress them down in the before pic, hair not done, no makeup, sour look on face. They smile nicely on the after photo, after spending 3 hours with professional hair and makeup people. For men, the before photo is unshaven for a couple of day, a raging case of hat/helmet head and for the after photo, same sour dead fish look on face they are freshly and professionally shaved, and also get time in the hair and makeup chair, same great smile

CbadRider

It's very easy to look like you're 20 lbs heavier if you slouch and pooch out your stomach. I like that all of the female "after" models in bikinis are all wearing high heels.

Neil_B

I can vouch for this, folks!

SeizeTech

I plan on selling my own line of SeizeTech protien drinks. I have a source in Vancouver that will sell me the protien powder in 150lbs sacks, but I don't know where to find the artificial flavours.

My wife works for a high quality chocolateire, so maybe I'll dope the powder with the real deal. A 50/50 blend ought to work for men and women, for different reasons of course.

Richard_Rides

OK, I see what I did wrong, it's all in the timing. I should've lined up a sponsor before I gained all the weight!

txvintage

Genious. Pure genious.

Ya know, there's another angle here too. The guys making the bucks are the ones that actually came up with the wunder cantraption.

All you need is something that you can claim you lost with while either sleeping or watching the idiot box. You will be an overnight millionaire.

SeizeTech

Have you seen the diet plate? its a plate with the food plan diagrams printed into the plastic.

It sells with a recipe book and instruction for about $100. And you just know that there are people willing to pay for it.

LOL

Wogster

You know the way to get rich quick, is to write a book on how to get rich quick........

Richard_Rides

I like this gizmo.

Richard_Rides

Here's another gizmo I might pitch, although I have no clue what the purpose of the skirt / divider is. Any ideas?

jgjulio

Whenever I see an ad for a "gizmo" that requires stretching, pulling, pushing, whatever my first thought is "Why are these people smiling?". Anytime I have done the pulling, pushing, whatever thing I hurt!

That's one of the real fun parts of biking, no ongoing pain (maybe a little).

bdinger

This brings up a good moral argument. Is it "right" for those who go from near-death-obesity to health to profit?

Personally, I couldn't. I mean seriously, I was 567 pounds, losing weight wasn't something I did to get famous. I did it to live. Now I do it so I can see my kids grow up.

Personally, if anything ever comes of what I did beyond the above two goals, I want people to know that THEY can do it. When I weighed that much I hadn't given up, yet, but I saw and see people who have.