I'm Determined to Get Them to Say, "Hello!"
10-31-16, 09:39 AM
#76
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10-31-16, 10:22 AM
#77
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I am amazed at how this gesture of good will has been distorted into something perverse. As it turns out, I've ridden past that corner three times since I started this thread, all of them too early for any of the kids to be there. I think if I were stalking or had some perverse agenda, I'd time it better each day.
Some of these replies have become very disturbing to me.
Some of these replies have become very disturbing to me.
Just shake it off, man. Haters gonna hate. Some people need to work harder on keeping their fear of their neighbors in check. I don't want to live in a world where no one can trust anyone, and everything is hidden innuendo and subterfuge. Just say good morning to the kids, feel confident that you know your not doing anything pervy or illegal or rude or disrespectful to anyone. Leave the nay-sayers behind.
10-31-16, 11:04 AM
#78
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EDIT: 10/28/16 5 PM: After reading some of the posts to this thread, I agree that I have no business trying to persuade anyone to reply to my greetings. I will continue to say hello or good morning, but leave it at that. If there is a reply, then fine. If there is no reply, it's not my business.
10-31-16, 11:13 AM
#79
Senior Member
It is creepy.
Look at this:
Here is an adult man, who has no reason to be interacting with high school children, that has decided to devote 7 months to figuring out how he can change their behavior to what he considers appropriate. To force a child, or anyone else to respond to you is the perfect illustration of privilege through perception of threat. Same concept that leads men to tell women they do not know and have no reason to interact with to "smile for me." It's awful, just leave people alone.
Don't force interactions with children 1. that aren't yours 2. you do not have any reason to interact with. Something to think about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
Look at this:
Here is an adult man, who has no reason to be interacting with high school children, that has decided to devote 7 months to figuring out how he can change their behavior to what he considers appropriate. To force a child, or anyone else to respond to you is the perfect illustration of privilege through perception of threat. Same concept that leads men to tell women they do not know and have no reason to interact with to "smile for me." It's awful, just leave people alone.
Don't force interactions with children 1. that aren't yours 2. you do not have any reason to interact with. Something to think about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
What he is doing is a combination of common courtesy and amusing social experiment. He shouldn't have to deal with nonsense like this.
10-31-16, 12:00 PM
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I am amazed at how this gesture of good will has been distorted into something perverse. As it turns out, I've ridden past that corner three times since I started this thread, all of them too early for any of the kids to be there. I think if I were stalking or had some perverse agenda, I'd time it better each day.
Some of these replies have become very disturbing to me.
Some of these replies have become very disturbing to me.
In your honor, as I passed a group of middle schoolers waiting for their bus, even though they were on the other side of a four lane road, I decided to say good morning. A group of around 8 kids. Five said good morning or hi back. Another group about 15 feet down from them sitting on the ledge and I again smiled and said good morning and another three said good morning or hi back. Here's to you!
10-31-16, 12:13 PM
#81
Senior Member
I am very much like the OP in that I go out of my way to say hello to every single person along my route. I can even understand the frustration and the challenge of trying to get certain grouchy people to wave or nod back.
With teenaged kids, though (at least here in New York) it's different. They are so overloaded with emotion, anxiety, and self-consciousness that you can actually do them a disservice by putting them in a position to have to respond to you in front of all their friends and then having to suffer all the social consequences that can lead to. I say give an understated nod and ride away. Someday, they will remember you and your friendly gesture. Right now, it puts too much pressure on them.
Regarding the "creepy" part, I, too, used that word in an earlier response. But I am not suggesting that the OP is creepy; I am suggesting (as a parent and a grandparent of four girls) that the kids themselves - or their parents - might see it that way. And that's where trouble can start. I have a neighbor - big brute of a guy - who stands behind a bush with his cell phone to his ear - watching his 14-year-old daughter at the bus stop every morning, waiting to pummel the first person he suspects is a danger to the girl. There are guys like that standing behind bushes on every corner of our country, and a middle-aged man on a bicycle smiling at a little girl can easily be misidentified as someone out for trouble.
Keep waving and smiling, but be smart about it.
With teenaged kids, though (at least here in New York) it's different. They are so overloaded with emotion, anxiety, and self-consciousness that you can actually do them a disservice by putting them in a position to have to respond to you in front of all their friends and then having to suffer all the social consequences that can lead to. I say give an understated nod and ride away. Someday, they will remember you and your friendly gesture. Right now, it puts too much pressure on them.
Regarding the "creepy" part, I, too, used that word in an earlier response. But I am not suggesting that the OP is creepy; I am suggesting (as a parent and a grandparent of four girls) that the kids themselves - or their parents - might see it that way. And that's where trouble can start. I have a neighbor - big brute of a guy - who stands behind a bush with his cell phone to his ear - watching his 14-year-old daughter at the bus stop every morning, waiting to pummel the first person he suspects is a danger to the girl. There are guys like that standing behind bushes on every corner of our country, and a middle-aged man on a bicycle smiling at a little girl can easily be misidentified as someone out for trouble.
Keep waving and smiling, but be smart about it.
10-31-16, 12:14 PM
#82
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There's nothing wrong with being friendly. However, when your gestures are not returned time after time after time, perhaps there's a message being sent.
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10-31-16, 01:16 PM
#83
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10-31-16, 01:38 PM
#84
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Or "I'm painfully shy" or "I've had bad experiences in the past and would just rather be left alone" or any number of other explanations. And "I'm painfully shy" doesn't mean that they want or need you to try to "fix" them. Being introverted is not the same as being rude, and it's not a defect.
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10-31-16, 01:44 PM
#85
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True enough. However...nor is being an overly friendly and outgoing extrovert when you only inflict 4 seconds of interaction on someone while riding by on a bike.
My real point is this just isn't a big deal...not something worth being overly analyzed. I think it's pretty clear the OP is just having a bit of fun, and looking to form a very minor, very harmless connection with some teenagers.
My real point is this just isn't a big deal...not something worth being overly analyzed. I think it's pretty clear the OP is just having a bit of fun, and looking to form a very minor, very harmless connection with some teenagers.
10-31-16, 01:58 PM
#86
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Quite a thread - just got caught up. I'm with the OP and posters who agree this is not creepy. It's harmless. There is no forcing nor is there any threatening. When I read the original post, I was hoping for some funny offerings of things to say. Here's one possibility: "Look guys! Here comes that dorky old guy on a bike!"
It is sad that people don't want to be bothered or are too anxious to respond to a stranger. And like FB said, we as commuters see the same people regularly. How else to move from stranger to acquaintance to friend than to respond to a simple wave or "Hello"?
I get that in a large city with many cyclists or pedestrians, greeting everyone is not practical, but going through neighborhoods there are either pockets of people at a bus stop, or a few couples or singles running, walking dogs, etc. I wave or say hello to most of these. Kids at bus stops may or may not even notice me. It's too dark and I'm going too fast to really see what they're looking at. Sometime I wave or nod, sometimes I don't.
I think it is human nature to want to be known, to be acknowledged and to be respected. It doesn't matter your age, gender or ethnic orgin, I'll wave, hold the door for you, offer help if I see there is a need, or whatever.
It is sad that people don't want to be bothered or are too anxious to respond to a stranger. And like FB said, we as commuters see the same people regularly. How else to move from stranger to acquaintance to friend than to respond to a simple wave or "Hello"?
I get that in a large city with many cyclists or pedestrians, greeting everyone is not practical, but going through neighborhoods there are either pockets of people at a bus stop, or a few couples or singles running, walking dogs, etc. I wave or say hello to most of these. Kids at bus stops may or may not even notice me. It's too dark and I'm going too fast to really see what they're looking at. Sometime I wave or nod, sometimes I don't.
I think it is human nature to want to be known, to be acknowledged and to be respected. It doesn't matter your age, gender or ethnic orgin, I'll wave, hold the door for you, offer help if I see there is a need, or whatever.
10-31-16, 02:44 PM
#87
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If they say hi to you, next thing you'll be hanging with them in the morning, and greeting them with donuts in the afternoon, and then tagging along on their after school adventures. The kids just want to be left alone, but are too polite so say so.
10-31-16, 02:48 PM
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Just shake it off, man. Haters gonna hate. Some people need to work harder on keeping their fear of their neighbors in check. I don't want to live in a world where no one can trust anyone, and everything is hidden innuendo and subterfuge. Just say good morning to the kids, feel confident that you know your not doing anything pervy or illegal or rude or disrespectful to anyone. Leave the nay-sayers behind.
10-31-16, 02:55 PM
#90
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10-31-16, 02:58 PM
#91
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Perhaps that would be true, even though I'm not the OP. Teenagers are still human beings. Even if they are easily duped by pop culture fame hags, that's no reason not to offer civility and kindness to them.
Last edited by Bikeforumuser0019; 10-31-16 at 03:00 PM. Reason: fixed typo
10-31-16, 03:05 PM
#92
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I'm not entirely sure who Taylor Swift is......
I'm fairly certain she's a singer, but I wouldn't bet more than a dollar on what kind of music she does.
oh wait I just remembered....speed metal! Swift! Speed! Get it********** Oh god I make me laugh
I'm fairly certain she's a singer, but I wouldn't bet more than a dollar on what kind of music she does.
oh wait I just remembered....speed metal! Swift! Speed! Get it********** Oh god I make me laugh
10-31-16, 03:05 PM
#93
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1.7 billion Youtube views says otherwise.
https://www.ibtimes.com/taylor-swift-...er-was-2390592
I'm just guessing here, but I think her net worth is somewhat higher than yours.
Last edited by alan s; 10-31-16 at 03:13 PM.
10-31-16, 03:13 PM
#95
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Yeah, I'm hoping that it's not creepy that I know a couple of lyrics by a popular teen-something artist.
10-31-16, 03:23 PM
#97
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That alone is not creepy, but stopping in front of a bunch of kids waiting for a bus every day and trying to get them to sing along, like the OP, would definitely qualify.
11-04-16, 12:58 PM
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What's most sad is that this is what our society has come to.
Had this been posted in the 60's, it would have been a nice, polite thing to do. But because of the terrible things that have been happening involving kids in recent decades, we now get judged and have to re-think pretty much everything we do in public, especially when it involves children. What was a kind, friendly gesture in our parents' generation is now "creepy". Yeah, it's creepy - because we've had to tighten our definition of creepy.
We've morphed ourselves into a public oblivious to anyone else on the street, glued to smartphones, suspicious of everybody. You can't trust a stranger on the street, but you trust all your photos and personal data to Facebook. And the kids are the worst.
Had this been posted in the 60's, it would have been a nice, polite thing to do. But because of the terrible things that have been happening involving kids in recent decades, we now get judged and have to re-think pretty much everything we do in public, especially when it involves children. What was a kind, friendly gesture in our parents' generation is now "creepy". Yeah, it's creepy - because we've had to tighten our definition of creepy.
We've morphed ourselves into a public oblivious to anyone else on the street, glued to smartphones, suspicious of everybody. You can't trust a stranger on the street, but you trust all your photos and personal data to Facebook. And the kids are the worst.
11-04-16, 01:25 PM
#100
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What's most sad is that this is what our society has come to.
Had this been posted in the 60's, it would have been a nice, polite thing to do. But because of the terrible things that have been happening involving kids in recent decades, we now get judged and have to re-think pretty much everything we do in public, especially when it involves children. What was a kind, friendly gesture in our parents' generation is now "creepy". Yeah, it's creepy - because we've had to tighten our definition of creepy.
We've morphed ourselves into a public oblivious to anyone else on the street, glued to smartphones, suspicious of everybody. You can't trust a stranger on the street, but you trust all your photos and personal data to Facebook. And the kids are the worst.
Had this been posted in the 60's, it would have been a nice, polite thing to do. But because of the terrible things that have been happening involving kids in recent decades, we now get judged and have to re-think pretty much everything we do in public, especially when it involves children. What was a kind, friendly gesture in our parents' generation is now "creepy". Yeah, it's creepy - because we've had to tighten our definition of creepy.
We've morphed ourselves into a public oblivious to anyone else on the street, glued to smartphones, suspicious of everybody. You can't trust a stranger on the street, but you trust all your photos and personal data to Facebook. And the kids are the worst.
Rather what changed is that "news" went from a half hour local + half hour national to a half dozen 24x7 "news" channels that all need to hype Hype HYPE HYPE LIE HYPE HYPE for attention to get ratings to get ad dollars to make fat coin on the "news".
Honestly if we just exterminated all 24x7 news channels and reduced all TV news coverage to half hour local + half hour national, and ok + a one hour news magazine on Sunday... a most of the panic and hysteria amongst the weak thinkers would be eliminated. Kids would be allowed to play outside again. Parents would be able to sleep at night again.