Moral Support
 

I have a 13 mile commute each way. I've been riding twice a week for the last two years. I'm trying to convince my wife to let me ride more but she isn't going for it. On days I don't commute I can make breakfast for the kids before I leave.

I've gone through all of the tricks to make this commute feasible, I've played with different bikes, different bags, different lights, lockers at work, having bikes banned on site and having to walk 1 mile to finish the commute. The hardest thing for me to overcome is convincing the wife the time commitment is worth it more than twice a week.

Any advice on how to get more riding days?

What's the story on banned at work?

As for your significant other, good luck it's a balancing act. Commuting is a good way, something I'm going to try because of the same situation you're in :lol:

I also bought some nice, very bright headlights. This is so I can ride safely and comfortably when everyone seems to do their own thing in the evening, or very early. Early morning rides are hard to get into but some of the best riding. As good as midsummer late night riding.

What is her reasoning for not letting you ride more than twice a week?

Is it more work for her when you ride? Because of having to cook for the kids?

Find something else that you CAN do to take some work off of your wife, so that she will feed breakfast to the kids while you are riding to work.

As a divorcé, I would strongly recommend just asking for some personal time. If that's not granted, it's a sign of a much larger problem.

I wonder what her concerns are? You won't be able to help that much or is she concerned about your safety when riding?
Everyone needs personal time. The commutes are my "me-time" where I can relax and unwind since I tend to get a bit cranky when I cannot ride.
I started commuting 2 days a week about 2-3 years ago. Meanwhile I am riding every day. My commute is anywhere from 8 - 11 mile one way. With the crazy car traffic here it takes me only about 20-30 min more one way. So it is not that much time taken from the day.

What I ended up doing is riding in the morning before the kids get up. I'm on the bike before 6am, home by 7am, enough time to take a quick shower and drive the kids to school. Takes a little teamwork as she has to get them up and dressed, but she doesn't have to get dressed herself. I know a guy from Strava that's on the bike every day at 4am, I'm assuming for similar reasons.

For me, the bike is my morning meditation, I get pissy and crabby if I go without for more than a day or two and my wife has pointed it out herself. As others have mentioned, it's going to take concessions on both sides. You may not get to ride at the time of day that you want, but if you can arrange it to where it's not putting more of a burden on her, she may be more receptive.

Mostly the complaint is just time. The 20 minutes at breakfast time and the 30 minute difference of getting home late are in valuable time slots. It's uncomfortable to shift those around. I've been trying to get our family to go car free for a few years. I've even pushed to move so that we are closer to work and so the commute is less of a burden. She isn't interested in going all the way, she isn't a biker at all really. So she tolerates it as a hobby for me. We get along very well and there aren't other underlying issues. She is willing to work with me, I just can't quite get more days.

I guess that is the problem with a longer bike commute. The time commitment, ... which is awesome for having more time to ride but difficult to carve out that time.

Concerning bikes banned at work: I work at an industrial plant. A new plant manager recently started and feels like it is unsafe to ride onsite. The offices are located in the center of the plant, I used to ride up to my office. They installed turnstyles with badge entry at each gate except for the main gate that is one mile from my office. So I can't get my bike in through the turnstyle, I have to come in the main gate and walk to my office. I have convinced them to install weather proof bike lockers, that is just taking a bit of time. My current commuter bike is a shiny CAAD10 and i'm not willing to just lock it up outside because there is high risk of theft.

I used to get up at 6 to go running before the family got up.

Then I realized running was stupid and I started biking.

To relate to the topic though....the scheduling worked. I didn't actually run anywhere. Just in a big circle back to my house. But it got my exercise in before anyone else was awake so it didn't leave the work of getting the kids up and ready solely to my wife.

Now on summer days when I don't ride to work I'll often take a spin at 8pm once the kids are in bed to relax. (Only in the summer though. Biking in the cold and dark is fine for commuting but it's not my idea of fun and relaxing after getting the kids settled down at night.)

Not being snarky but what's the deal with making kids breakfast? Are they super young? I grew up getting my own breakfast from pretty much as far back as I can remember -- my parents both had long commutes and were often gone before the school bus showed up. Not like it's super complicated to pour a bowl of cereal and some milk.

Can you drive a car through those gates? Or does everyone have to walk a mile from the parking lot to the job site?

If you can drive a car through that gate they should let you ride a bike through. The whole 'bikes are legit roadworthy vehicles in the eyes of the law' thing. But if it's private property...their rules. And arguing about the rules with the employer is usually a bad idea.

Maybe the boss would let you sign a waiver removing all liability from the factory in the event that you rode your bike into a machine or something.

If you did that today with a kid under like 12 you could literally be visited by child protective services and charged with criminal neglect of a child.

Yes. It's stupid. I used to make my own breakfast too. I got myself to school. I got myself home. All so my single mom could work to provide for me. I survived.

Now, it'll get you tossed in jail.

The world is dumber now.

That is particular to certain places. Where I live, 5-year olds get dropped off at the train station and take the train to school by the themself. In Germany, it's even more independent.

Tell your wife it makes you happy. Also tell her that the improved health should help you to be around longer and/or allow you to be able to keep up with the kids. My wife is a full-time mom. So she usually handles breakfast on the weekdays for our son. However, I pitch in on the weekend and usually make something or pickup something for breakfast then. So I usually cyclecommute on the weekdays but leave the weekend open for them.

Here is a possible plan:

If your wife needs you to get the kids ready, do that every day. This way, your bike commuting doesn't cost her.

After you take care of the kids, ride to work. (Does this get you in on time?)

Tell her about your day every day, and be sure to mention how your focus and productivity are better on those days when you ride to work. In other words, present the bike commuting as a benefit rather than a cost. It's true, isn't it? Make the pattern clear to her. For example, on days when you drive, say, "I had trouble staying awake. My mind drifted too much." On cycling days, "I was so energized and got so much done."

Biking is my therapy, hobby and my sport. My wife like to walk with the dog, garden and do exercise classes 2x a week, same thing. The old work/ life balance. My car commute takes 1hr, back roads to Boston. In good weather the bike takes 20 minutes longer with some nice bike paths. OP, my better half digs my thinner waist and nice legs, working for you? What is the time difference between the bike /car? She also likes the great overall health and good blood pressure. Can you help with dinner prep or other? Overnight oatmeal in slow cooker is awesome. Just get up and scoop. Could you drive partway and pedal the rest? So many options. Report back.

IF the issue is the time delta, check out an ebike (wrong forum, I know). Reducing the time gap can sometimes do the trick.

Is there something your wife cares about and does on her own? Running? Knitting? Scrapbooking? Welding? Try to make her understand that biking is for you like what her 'personal enrichment time' is for her. Look for ways that you can enable her to get a generous supply of time for her activity.

Also, what others said about teaching the kids to be more self-sufficient. You haven't said the age of your kids yet, but it was huge for us when we made them responsible for making their own lunches, and getting their own breakfasts. Also, lunches can be made the night before (by you late at night, or by the kids as a pre-bedtime ritual). Perhaps breakfast can be partially prepared the night before as well?

Maybe you can get yourself up to at least half time by driving in with the bike, riding home in the evening, riding back in the morning, and driving home.

Maybe get the kids up earlier, having breakfast ready.

I'm all about compromise, but I'd be concerned that the argument about time spent commuting is really about how much I was helping in general with the kids. I'd take on more in the evenings, so that I could legitimately have that morning time.

Shocking!

Stop riding and put on a lot of weight. Should do the trick.

As others have said, teaching them to pour a bowl of cereal isn't too tough, and most of us survived doing it. Plus, doesn't anybody just give the kids lunch money anymore? Throughout my schooling, my lunch was prepared for me everyday by the lunch ladies, not my parents.

Bummer on the job front, industrial settings are diverse but I imagine a gated in yard that could have separate buildings with their own parking scattered around and heavy equipment running about. Pretty hard to argue with the safety guy, especially the new one. From my experience the conversation about riding thru is probably over, and if you did it again there's consequences.

Maybe see if you can wear a hi-vis vest and tall orange flag to be safe (you could keep it at the gate?)

Are there people that ride motorcycles to work? Inform the manager you can maintain the yard speed limit.

You have a nice bike but the commute isn't that far, thought about buying a cheap second bike? Something that could get locked up and not missed if stolen? Then grab a ride from someone friendly for the way in.

I don't know about your district but in most schools, my kids' included, a fresh hot lunch has been replaced by a warmed-up (maybe) prepackaged deal. My kids would much rather brown-bag it.

[MENTION=109825]NyoGoat[/MENTION] FWIW, I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. Exercise and alone time are valuable but so is family time, and she may want some time alone as well.

[MENTION=468175]Skipjacks[/MENTION] probably not true in the law, but of someone calls the authorities it will depend on what they think of you when they get there.
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I make nutritious smoothie/shakes the night before, and put the blender container in the fridge. In the morning anyone could just give it another quick spin and it's ready to go...