I count out of state license plates in resident parking while passing through an apartment complex every morning.

I frequently use sidewalks in the morning. (at 0515, there's no pedestrian traffic)

I'm constantly looking for the easiest way up the hill home, the last thing I want after a day at work is a "challenge".

when depressed I dont wear a helmet, then feel guilty when the kids at school ask me where my helmet is.
damn kids! I feel superior when I load my bike with a full load of groceries then curse when I actually have to ride them up the hill to my house. I own bike shorts and neon, my whole town is only 6 miles long, seems a little silly when I only average at most 10 miles a day. But whatever I ride everyday, rain, snow, wind.
I am a commuter not a cyclist and sometimes when I hear a friend did a century I think WTF why?

I lane split :O

i'll yell profanities at headwinds, sing and talk to myself, and also speak absolute nonsense in tongue while drunk.

psychoactives and bike riding is one of the greatest joys in life

i hate riding in the rain (but i'd just take public trans if i don't ride)

When commuting on my cross bike with thick tires, a rack, fenders, and lights, I will occasionally do some roadie "moves" such as standing up over a little hill, or track-standing at a light, just so people know I'm a "serious" rider in my other life...

I am a wheel sucker. I sit behind other bikes and let them do the work. Sometimes I put on an exhausted face, and pretend that I am struggling to keep up let alone overtake, just so I don't have to overtake and do some of the work.

Reminds me of my commute this morning - a rabbit, when running in a straight line and being followed by a bike, can get up to about 18 mph before it had to dive into the grass on the side.

I have too many bikes. And i don't care.

I meow at cats when I see them in people's yards.

I also say "F you" to traffic lights that turn red right as I approach them.

I talk to myself on the bike sometimes. :p

I try to catch air off road humps and anyhting else that looks like a ramp on my road bike with a pannier.

They are. Equal rights or not, you don't see many women joggers displaying shirtless ladyboobs, do you?

I put $300-$400 worth of parts on an old heavy Schwinn that isn't worth $100.

I sometimes ride drunk (better than driving).

I paid too much for my single-speed.

I have two bikes in the basement I don't ride anymore.

I rarely accomplish any "work" anymore - I daydream about my next tour.

I put a big "Ride a F***ing Bike" bumper sticker on the back of my traffic-side pannier with the sole intention of pissing off drivers who get stuck behind me.

I like to air guitar on this down hill section just to see the look on the faces of the drivers sitting in traffic (always VanHalen). I cut in front of a Tom Turkey, too close to the 4 hens. Chased me for 50 yds at 10 mph, I was scared he was going to get me. I like drinking my frozen gatorade in the winter. On the bike path, I came up on a mountain biker I know and called out her name, when she asked how I recognized her from behind, I lied and said it was her bike.

I wave to motorists filling up their gas tanks as I pedal by. :)

I like to make a big deal of driver's mistakes. If I'm approaching an intersection with a green, and see that a car is wanting to turn right onto my street (on a red), I'll speed up just so I have to slow down for the car and flip them the bird.

Oh, I've also chased down an elderly couple who cut me off making a right (didn't care to look if someone was in the bike lane). Caught them as they parked in front of their church.... I'm pretty sure the whole congregation heard my choice words.

I'm a weight weenie.

I can't (or at least don't) lift my rear wheel off the ground by braking really hard, even on the bike with a front disc brake.

I can't ride with no hands.

I can't bunny hop.

I rode a fixie for 100 miles and never once skidded.

Heck, I have joined packs of riders going much slower than me just to admire views like that!

Unless I hit MASSIVE hills I am not much faster on my 19lb, 30 speed Motobecane than I am on my 26.2 lb, 12 speed Le Tour(that's the unladen weight, no rack etc).

Sometimes, when I am making left turns in the city I will make a "two point left." Rather than entering the car-lane to make my left turn when traffic permits, I will cross the intersection as though I were going straight, stop at the opposite curb(usually behind a parked car, where it's safe), and wait for the light to change so I can cross in my intended direction. I have had too many close calls doing the "technically correct" thing in some neighborhoods to do anything else in those places.

I am in college, and I often biked to parties when I had my fixed gear. Never an issue. I rode my geared bike to a party once, and in retrospect I probably should have walked the bike home. I rode about six blocks, decided to coast for a bit, and overestimated my speed so badly that I coasted to a stop and fell over on my side. When I hit the ground both my feet were still in the toe clips.

It's a good thing I was on a quiet street at 3am, or else I could have caused quite a scene!

I'm guilty of about 75% of the above, but tell the geese I see to watch out for people instead of mooing at cows. I also will stop and wait for the oblivious to notice me on the MUP, and love seeing the looks on their faces when they turn around to see a 6' tall guy in a bright yellow vest with a bright flashing light on the handlebars when they weren't expecting to see anyone.

An honest to God confession:

That avatar on the right is not a real picture of me.

What about the one of the left?