Another Win (dead wife)
 

Valentines Day, a.k.a. her birthday.
Our 42 year marriage ended in November 2023 when she passed at home, in her recliner. We should all be so lucky to pass quietly at home.
Last year I was a complete wreck.

Made it through the day with zero tears shed and no meltdowns.
Stayed busy.
Quest for a blood draw
Safeway for bagels
Nap time
Harry's Hofbrau for dinner
Caught a movie, Captain America
Pie for after from Nations

Thanks to all for the past support!

fat biker

Everyone differs in how, and for how long, they actively mourn those they love who pass away. Mourning is neither a win nor a loss, people should take all the time they need. I'm glad that you seem to be having days with normal activities. I'm sure she would have wanted that for you.

congratulations. sounds like you're keeping busy & looking for the positives. the title of the thread is a bit sketch :foo: :lol: but I'm not in your shoes. hang in there :thumb:

Seems like you've done a good job of dealing with a difficult day.

:) I agree you could have worded the title better but your message is touching. I wouldn't say your 42 year marriage has ended, just temporarily entered the long distance relationship phase.

I went through the same loss two years ago, losing my wife to cancer. It gets better with time.

Be glad, you had a marriage, you had a wife, and you had that experience.

Marriages and wives, it is an outdated concept, nowadays. Dating is a $#!7 show, and youth are clueless about gender roles.

Yeah. R.I.P. barefoot and pregnant. :rolleyes:

I'm please to know that, Paul - getting better with time, that is. My wife of 60 years also passed away last November, quite suddenly, and, for us, unexpectedly as she seemed to be improving in the ICU the night before. C. Difficile and Sepsis killed her, not the cancer she was recovering from.

I'll be 2 years in, April 14th. Pancreatic cancer. Still not a day goes by that I don't think of her at least a dozen times. I guess it's a bit easier, but man it's difficult.

I have three friends who have walked in your shoes, and all of them said the first year was absolute hell. All three eventually remarried, one to his "long lost" high school girlfriend. My wife and I are coming up on anniversary number 52 on 23 June, and I know death of a spouse would be a challenge, but our years together so far make that risk worth taking.

sorry for your loss, my story is the same, she would have been 60 on valentines day, she passed on Christmas Eve, brain cancer. it's been a tough year. I was ready for the holidays but her birthday hit me hardest. I was at work all day but the weekend really sucks.

By "win" I suppose you are referring to how the death was peaceful. So I'm glad for that. I expect you'll have some hard times ahead, but it's good you know how to have some times that are neutral or enjoyable.

I fear my spouse's death quite a bit. She's a fair bit older and has more health problems than I do. Of course I know I could get hit by a bus or something, so maybe I will die first.

It is said that you never get over a loss, with support and time you can get through it, but never over it.

They were wise words for me.
Hope this helps.

Agreed, strange thread title, but sorry for your loss and good to hear you are doing better. Remember that riding a bike helps heal,

I lost my beloved of 32 plus years, 6 years ago this month. She lost her 10-year battle with breast cancer. In my case as a deacon in Roman Catholic Church I took vow not to remarry and will not. I might add that I would not even if I could. My wife was so wonderful, and I love her now more than ever.

It seems you are doing ok and everyone grieves different no right or wrong answers. That said at least for me I find it no easier in terms of just living and missing having someone around. I am an introvert by nature but do like company and someone to talk to, My 2 boys are the only thing in some senses that is a family unit but my youngest is in Florida and I am in Illinois.

Of all the things people tell you some never make sense to others. In my case I could travel and go at least places to ride a bike. i have a thought to put bike in the SUV and take a 2 week cruise around to different states and ride in different places. Reality though it is alone and no one to share the experience so just not the same. Since covid happened about a year after my wife died I started riding huge amount like 10,000 miles a year. That is ok but age and a fall change that to being more careful. I had to nurse a broken collarbone, 2 broken metacarpals, and trochanter fracture myself. I did but it changed cycling forever. I have to be more careful and things can go wrong.

I hope you do well, and many remarry depending on age. Mary Jo even road a bike once in awhile with me she was just afraid of riding on the road a bit. An I Love Her So............

I’m facing the same thing, since my wife has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She seems.a long way from dying now and I expect a few good years, but I can’t forget.

A different spin on this topic --
Wife dies Nov. 2023
OP is constantly devastated and depressed
FINALLY after 1year and 3 months of mourning he has reached the End of the Tunnel and is Back Into the Light. No TEARS and able to enjoy being alive. --a WIN in my book--

We've been married almost 52 years but have known each other since 1st Grade in 1956. I told her shortly after marriage that I would likely die first and she should be prepared for that scenario. Her answer was always, *No you won't 'cause I'll go first*

She doesn't say that anymore because I'm the one with the KILLER Prostate Cancer

I have been busy, and am tardy checking in.

For Bald Paul, Artmo, senator91, rob214 and deacon mark, gentlemen you have my sympathy and understanding, for what it may be worth.

Wording of the post title? A bit weird? Yes. With just a bit more thought I would have done better.

How am I?
Frequent question with no easy answer. I will spare you the details.
Challenges abound, some serious, nothing life threatening.
I am blessed with a terrific medical care team, and I am receiving appropriate care.
I am seeing my therapist regularly.

I am celebrating pi day with her favorite lemon cream! Full disclosure, they were out of my favorite berry.

As crappy as things have been lately, I still have much to be thankful for.

fat biker

OldTryGuy,
Hang in there brother.
A good friend, prostate cancer for years and now leukemia. Last time we talked, still enjoying life.
Another friend of almost fifty years. She beat thyroid cancer years ago. Now leukemia. Working, volunteering.

I will keep a good thought for you.

fat biker

To me, Alzheimer's, whether for me or my wife, sounds a lot scarier than death. I have friends who have gone through that, as well. My mother died early (age 66) from MS, but she experienced only physical, not mental, impairment.

My wife lost her thyroid gland 30 years ago, when our boys were 8 and 3. She's fine now, but living without a thyroid gland does require some lifestyle adjustment.

Much appreciated :thumb: and YOU hang in there.

I had 1/2 of Thyroid removed decades ago. Had *THE BOYS* removed 10 years ago next month thanks to Prostate Cancer. Both combined REALLY SCREWS with the body but one must do what one can to keep on keeping on. Hoping things stay well for your wife.

I am hypothyroid after Graves Disease (1998)
Right now my TSH has gone nuts, and my doc has increased my Levothyroxine dose. More labs ahead.
Graves Disease/Hyperthyroidism is nothing to trifle with.

For those of you, mostly guys (like my old man) that ¨Never Went to the Doctor¨. Proceed at your own peril. This disease is easy to detect with a simple blood panel. That is how my internist found mine and saved my life.

Be Well Everybody!

fat biker

makes sense to me

Latest weirdness...
Out driving a friend around, her doing errands.
Home, nap time.
Wake up from hour nap.
Very first thought.
Gotta Check On Esther!

Not troubled by these thoughts of her.
I find it Very Disorienting.

My cousin says par for the course.

Thanks for sharing that, sweet but sad. Especially for me nice my wife of >40 years has an eventually fatal disease. Someday I’ll be in your shoes.

Road Fan,
Very sorry to hear of your wife's illness.
Many times, I had to remind myself of those long-ago vows - Better or Worse - Sickness and Health.
I/We am/were blessed with a great care team. I hope you have the same.

See if this has value.
Probably first, remember to take care of yourself. If you fall apart or break down or get injured your ability to care for her will be diminished, and your stress will rise.
To the extent help is available, ask for it. Forget that macho B.S., toughing it out nonsense.
Make sure both of your estate plans are in shape.
Talk Therapy. Not for everybody. Has helped me tremendously. Ask around in your circle for a reference.

Best of Luck,
fat biker

Is it just me or is the title to this thread mildly disturbing? I won’t even ask about life insurance.

rsrob,
I apologized for the title in post #19.
One of my biggest problems since her passing has been sleep.
Some days are better or worse. Two or more sequential nights with disturbed sleep results in trouble thinking!!
Getting an appointment with my sleep doc has been a challenge
Hope springs eternal.

fat biker